Florham Park Counseling

I've been an LGBTQ ally for 20 years, helping people who can't connect with themselves or others. Maybe this is you:

You  want to be in a relationship, but feel vulnerable and scared. It's like you're wearing an invisible suit of armor, safe but desparately lonely in there. And it's no wonder. A child learns from a very young age that who they are is defined by their genitals. They are told by their family that they must not play with gender inapporiapte toys or develop crushes on people of the same sex. Still young enough to ask "but why?", the  caretakers tell you that nice people don't do things like that. Shamed, you obey this "guidance" from the people who you love,taking the first step in squelching your personal  authenticity.

The theme of shame continues. The middle school years are often the worst. I have never met a an LGBTQ client who was not bullied in middle school. A scarring and traumatic experience, this reinforces the child's fear of "other"s  and sense that something is terriibly wrong with them. Youth 12 to 14 years old who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender are much more likely to die by suicide than their heterosexual peers.

 In high school, if you didn't become a loner you learned to "pass" and have straight friends. But you received countless disparaging messages from the heterosexist culture and your friends that there is something wrong with you. You actually were unconscously socialized into an internalized feeling of homophobia, self hate for your authentic self.This leads to unavoidable mental health issues, particularly anxiety and deppresion 

As you got older, you began to find LGBTQ friends. You fell in love and were intimate for the first time. The shame decreased and pride was born. Sooner or later the anxiety ridden process of coming out became imperative because you wanted to be known and loved for who you are...

Maybe this was you. Maybe only parts pertained to you. But I have the insight, compassion, and hope to help you with whatever you're going throught right now. You deserve to be happy.

My approach to therapy is egalitarian and collaborative.  I'm the expert in the mental health field, but you're the expert of yourself , so we'll work together at a pace which is comfortable for you. In my office with a cup of coffe or tea, we'll figure things out together. Insight oriented therapy geared to personal authenticity, my basic value in life.

Regarding relationship therapy....are you tired of constantly fighting over the same old thing? Or lying silently awake beside your partner, lonely and staring at the ceiling? You may feel that you just can’t communicate, or that the spark is lost. Sex is almost non-existent. Your passion lost, you live, at best, as companions or roomates while getting your needs met elsewhere. So much baggage still inside you both. Sometimes there is desire discrepancy, with one partner having greater sexual needs than the other.  As a relationship counselor with 20 years experience, I can help you get unstuck and move forward to happiness.  

I'm trained in Imago Relationship Therapy, Relational Life Therapy, Sex Therapy and EMDR for trauma. I believe I can help you to examine your life and relationships and make them better. Please call me for a free, half hour phone consult.